7/24/2023 0 Comments Valerie kuarPractice: SELF-LEADERSHIP AS A WAY OF INTERACTING IN A CONFLICT What they really want is to have a voice-to be listened to by you and to have their position represented to others. When your parts trust that you will speak for them, they feel less driven to take over and explode at people. Self energy has a soothing effect on any parts it touches, whether they are in you or in another person. Instead, your respect and compassion for the other person will be heard in addition to the courage of your convictions. Your words lose their judgmental sting or their off-putting desperation and coerciveness. When, on the other hand, you listen to your protectors and then speak for them, from your Self, the message is received in a very different way, even if you use the same words that your parts are saying. When your protective parts are upset and speak directly to another person, invariably they will trigger parts in the other. When people receive a message from you, it has two components: the content (the actual words) and the energy behind the words. In the Internal Family Systems model, the practice of speaking for, rather than from, parts when they are triggered is an important aspect of Self-leadership. ![]() Finally, Valarie shares what we can learn from our rage and grief, as well as the importance of connecting with our joy and our ancestors as we keep showing up for the labors of love before us. Valarie also talks about “the heart and the fist,” and why both are necessary in order to create the systemic, cultural, and environmental transformations our world needs. They explore what it is to extend love to all people without limit and how opening our hearts in this way is both an ancient and radical act. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon and Valarie discuss “revolutionary love” as a guiding ethic for our times. With Sounds True, Valarie has created The People’s Inauguration -a 10-day online program to help us reckon with all we have lost and point us toward a vision of the society we can build together, grounded in love. She’s the founder of the Revolutionary Love Project and author of the book See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love. It is enough.Valarie Kaur is a seasoned civil rights activist and celebrated prophetic voice at the forefront of progressive change. ![]() Each morning, I wake to the gift of a new lifetime. "Now, are you ready to let go of this lifetime? Are you ready to think of the work you have done today and know that it was enough? Are you ready to behold everyone and everything you have ever known and loved, kiss them, and let them go? Are you ready to die a kind of death?"Įach night, I die a kind of death. "What are you most grateful for in this lifetime? Every day and every lifetime offers a new reason for gratitude. "What was the most joyful part of this lifetime?" Every day and every lifetime, no matter how hard, contains moments of joy. How did you get through it?" We somehow managed to make it to the end of this day, the end of this lifetime. "What was the hardest part in this lifetime? Notice where you sense that hardship in your body. “Think of today as an entire lifetime," Wise Woman says to me before I fall asleep. See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love So I ask myself, What is this story demanding of me? What will I do now that I know this?” As Hannah Arendt says, 'One trains one's imagination to go visiting.' When the story is done, we must return to our skin, our own worldview, and notice how we have been changed by our visit. As soon as I notice feeling unmoored, I try to pull myself back into my body, like returning home. Sometimes I start to lose myself in their story. I try to understand what matters to them, not what I think matters. The most critical part of listening is asking what is at stake for the other person. I just need to feel safe enough to stay curious. But I also know that it's okay if I don't feel very much for them at all. Empathy is cognitive and emotional-to inhabit another person's view of the world is to feel the world with them. I am always partially listening to the thoughts in my own head when others are speaking, so I consciously quiet my thoughts and begin to listen with my senses. ![]() When I really want to hear another person's story, I try to leave my preconceptions at the door and draw close to their telling.
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